Will we..

Hey, i just wanna rant things out here.
Guess blogger shall be some thing who'd entertain me now i guess?

Quarreled with him for the past 3 days already. It wasn't constant. But, it just doesn't feels right. I don't know what else i can do to stop all this small little conflicts. I've tried to change, tried to give as much as possible. Tried to control my tears for as long as i could. Tired to forget how torturing it was today to be so formal. I wasn't prepared or wanting to risk anything at all for this r/s. I couldn't even bear to ignore you. But, i guess if i don't stop talking to you, we'd have conflicts. Just like now. After having a talk with xq, i've been thinking. /have i been doing the right things? Why did it become like this? Why did i do things to myself that i regret? Why do i have to try so hard to change and not quarrel? Why am i thinking so much? Why do i still hang onto you? Am i annoying? Am i irritating? Are you tired? I guess maybe he is. I wonder if the text are hurting you as much as it does to me. The cold & formal replies that we give to each other, made it felt like we're strangers. All those 10 months of memories just felt like it disappeared. Those memories that we built from 20032011 just poofed after that one sentence i made. Just like what others say, it's hard to build but easy to destroy.. I guess, i destroyed that every single memory within that one sentence with my own hands.. Should have known i shouldn't have say anything or so anything that would made us like this. I killed it. & afterall, he might be happier without me. Maybe when all this is over, i might be able to cry out loud enough for someone else to notice me.

It just isn't that easy to let go..